Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
