I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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