NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
