went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
