There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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