i just wanna soil my oats bro
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
