I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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