I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize