Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
