oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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