you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
