So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
