I can tuck mytits in my pants
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
