i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
