Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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