Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I am puke
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
