Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
