i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Randomize