He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Randomize
