I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
