I only kidnapped one of them. chill
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
