Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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