therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
