So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
