True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
its not stalking. its research.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
