Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
