The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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