franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
