Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
