i just google imaged poop.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
