I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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