Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
