Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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