Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
