Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
