Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
