I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
