you're like a bully in the Christmas story
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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