I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize