STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
