So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
