If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
