Swine flu. Run for my life!
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
