how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
