I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
