Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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