Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
