Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
