my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
