my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize