My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
