If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
