i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
