Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize