how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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