Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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