I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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