i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
