If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
