i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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