Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
