roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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