She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
