ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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