it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
