New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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