Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
