I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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