What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
