Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
