i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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