i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
