Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
