Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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